I'm going to strangle someone.

I don't understand why some people can't take just a little time out to help someone else.

"Yeah, let's make Man wait. And wait. If he asks, it's not that important anyway. I can give him excuses and lag on him. He won't do anything because he's not in any position to do so. He can't do shit because I'm the one who got him his car and bought him an HDTV. I control what he says to me, I have the right."

Switch it around, arsehole. Put yourself in my shoes. Why the hell would you take your own
brother for granted?

I'm not asking you to buy me a house or modify my car to racing specs, I'm asking you for a simple, convenient favor. I've waited patiently and yet, you still can't do it. Anything for your girlfriend and her family, nothing for your own. It's like how Mom had said, "You'll jump out of your boxers to get your girlfriend a purse at the slightest mention, but it requires a lightning strike on your ass to help us." I'm getting tired of that shit. Your damn inconsistency with your obligations has driven this family crazy. We want to trust you, but sometimes we can't.

You ask us for favors, then you'll get pissed when we're not able to. We ask you for favors, it's a damn Normandy raid all over again and you expect us to be okay when you don't even bother to
try.

God damn it. I'm grateful for all the things you've done. I really am but when it comes down to it, you forsake the wrong people. I've had it. You want to give or buy me stuff, whatever. Doesn't change the fact that I can't count on you for even the smallest things.

SSDD.

Went out to Sushi 85 today for Steven's b-day dinner. All you can eat sushi. It was pretty good, haha. I got so full that I had to look AWAY from the food to keep myself from feeling nauseous. Those bastards almost tipped wasabi into my drink. Went to Vicky's house afterwards to play some Monopoly. I lost first, only because Steven is such a baller real estate strategist. Oscar and I bounced around midnight, took him home, sang LP the whole way and just got back to my dwelling. Ready to face the music? I'm always ready. I'll play the god damn encore.




Moms is trippin' again, over something that shouldn't even matter by now. Midnight is not even considered late anymore in today's terms. In fact, for most people, the partying doesn't start TILL midnight into the wee hours of the morning. I can't stress enough that at least I come home, no matter how late it is. It's like she doesn't give a fuck about what I'm trying to prove. All she wants is to slam me with shit and constantly deny the fact that I'm able to think for myself. Okay, Tommy is the one who can't seem to watch his own ass. You should worry about HIM more than me. Who's always home and in bed every single night? Yeah. Who doesn't drink and smoke? Who has the lowest premium on his life insurance? Who has good driver discounts and a clean record? That's what I fucking thought. She never sees the bigger picture. I'm always the bad guy around here. Everything I do is always liable. 


Sometimes I seriously think she does this arbitrarily, assuming every little thing to be insidious. She hears a girl's voice, she thinks I'm fooling around with her. You know Mom, if I ever get lucky enough to find love again, you'll scare it away. You say you care for me, but 50% of the time, you're really not. You don't even see what makes me happy, or what makes me sad. You're always trying to do things so you can satisfy some need to maintain authority. You're always right. If you're not, you'll complain to your own mother and sisters, then they'll come at me and slap me around. You're always questioning why I never seem to do anything right?


Well, you want to know why?


It's because you never let me think for myself. You're always trying to control my mind for me. When I fight back, you don't understand why I do. 


And I don't think you ever will. If this tussle has to go on till the day one of us passes away and turns into an epitaph, then so be it. 


Like George Carlin said, "If you were born on this Earth, you're guilty, fuck you. End of report, next case. Next fucking case."

Minnie!

She grows on me. 


I blame Val.

Good Enough - Hoobastank

My best friend ends up ditching me for a girl who I rightfully think is a giant waste of his time and that he could do better. Leah responds to me differently after I asked her if she would go with me to see a movie.




Great day/night I'm having. I'm turning in. Sometimes girls just aren't worth the stupid fucking trouble you know?

Too early.

I barely just woke up and yet she starts again.

Get some damn friends Mom and learn to trust them. Don't go around thinking you're the only benevolent person in the world. 


Find something to do so I wouldn't feel guilty every single time I go out. I'm trying to prove to you that I'm not like every other kid you've heard about. I come home every night, don't matter what time it is, I'm home and in bed when you wake up the next morning. 


And if you think staying out late is crazy, wait till you hear what some of my friends do for fun. I won't go into it since it gives you another excuse to bitch. You don't even know how much my friends depend on me when they have problems or get drunk at parties. 


At parties, I'm the one who abstains. I'm the DD, if you know what that stands for. In this whacked off world, I try to stay sane and calm about it. 


I don't know why it is but the only person who doesn't do any of the buzzed or crazy shit and actually controls himself gets treated worse than those who do.

Got two pairs of slim straight jeans today at Tilly's. Their 2 for $50 deal rox my sox :D. Also picked up a new belt after getting my old one jacked. ~_~. 

Time to hem!

Sigh.

My life is like staring down a machinegun. It shoots me down non-stop.

So I was cleaning out my car the other day in preparation for the beach trip, my mom decides to come out and give me a hand. I go inside to get a dustpan and when I come back out, my mom questions me about the condoms that I've kept hidden under my seat. ~______________~. 

I try to keep those away from her as much as I can. She thinks it's actually a bad thing to use condoms. We had to go through another moral discussion/argument where I basically convince her that I'm much older and wiser now. It happens ALL THE TIME. I get tired of it.

And she had to bring up the fact that I could have had a child of four years right now while she was berating me. I'm like, "Yeah Mom, that's real damn nice of you to remind me." 

If you guys don't know, you're better off not knowing. Seriously. I DO NOT like people of any relation to me to bring that shit up unless I somehow get possessed and decide to tell. 

Biggest fucking mistake of my life. 

I'm always at fault for everything. 

I go work out and exercise like you oh so want me to. Is it wrong I do it with friends? Is it wrong I want to hang with them afterwards? Is having friends, unhealthy and detrimental to my life? Yeah I understand you need help with stuff at home and I do my best to keep up. But when I want to just get away from the house, like take a walk, drive around or hit up a drink spot, WHATEVER, can you please me let me do so with as much as an acknowledgment of my yearning for some air?! 

I know I have fucking duties at home, who doesn't? Honestly. Yeah there may be some who give less than a shit about their families but I'M NOT ONE OF THEM. Ok? I was raised by you and Dad who have taught me how to care for myself and others. To forgive and forget. To not forsake your family at any given moment. To this day and forever till time ends, I have not and will not. 


Stop goddamn assuming I'm going to turn out to be intolerant, bad and immoral. Have you ever taken psychology? These things aren't just fucking words that bounce off the ear drum and don't reverberate. These words penetrate my fucking mind and soul and fucks with my inner conscience. Stop mind-fucking me alright? You can play this game all you want Mom, but eventually there will be an ending and that's gonna be me. I'm not the half-bawling, half-screaming 7lb of blood and bone anymore. I don't even know how many times I have to say this. I'M NOT A CHILD. You think you raised me well enough. Well take it from me. You have Mom. I fucking love you for all you've done and continue to do. For once, let me decide for myself. I know what I'm doing. I'm not retarded. You didn't raise me to act that way. You raised me to be damn sensible and logical. That's why I'm trying to do.


How am I ever going to if you're never gonna give me a chance? Every time I attempt to dive, you hook me back with your rod of guilt. I don't want to run away from home just to get what I want. Running away solves fucking nothing. I don't do drugs or drink myself down in an attempt to escape the harsh reality that is life. I face it. I'm not going to tread down the road of desperation like every other son/daughter. 


If you don't let me, then you have wasted your efforts.


~
Maybe this is fucking why most girls don't understand me. I'm not funny, I'm uninteresting and I don't appear to be social or fun to be around. I don't know how half of the world works. Then again, not many people listen. Why would they? I bring nothing of gain to them. Want is such a dangerous word.

Let's MoGo!

Went to the gym with the hombres yesterday. We also swam in the pool for like, 2 hours?! Tried to make a whirlpool and had a strong current going but everyone tired out lol. I was stuck at the 5 ft pool because I blew off first and the current kept owning me D: . The thing kinda reminded me of a giant toilet, except with people instead of... yeah.. you get my point.

Hella sore right now though. I worked out on my shoulders, biceps, triceps, back and lower legs. 20 mins. on the treadmill, 20 min. total on the weight machines. I slept hella good last night, even when Sam was button-mashing to SSFIV. Today is gonna be a chill day.


~
Mogo's was at Indy's backlot today behind the pool! I felt lazy to go but I was like damn it, it's so close and I've been wanting to try the hype. Fuck that short-rib burrito is tasty. So many calories but damn worth it. Also snagged a classic Cola soda pop bottle to down it. I should have just had watahhhh :\. Oh wells. I vote bottles over anything any day. Anything nostalgic qui qui? 


Picking up Mel tomorrow then Wingstop after. Looking forward to meeting Leah Mae ;D.

The Duck Guy Who Makes Honking Noises In That One Show.

So I signed up for a Tumblr a few days ago. Here's the url:

http://quemanny.tumblr.com.

It's mainly used for small posts, video embeds and song uploads. I'm still using this as the main blog for rants, bitching, and super-cool happenings in life. Check it out for interestinggggg shiz k?
Following is appreciated :D.


Anyway, got my car's horn fixed the other day. Today, I totally forget that I have one and I tapped it with moderate force like I always do when I'm bored. HONKKKKKK. Guess what? A girl was passing by. Guess what else? I was driving inside my apartment complex. Gawrsh, I hope she doesn't recognize my face.. or my car. YAH, Integras are robot ninjas in disguise. So embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I need to kick that habit, BAD ~_~.


No moar firing my heat-seeking stingers anymore. At least I still have my... SMOKESCREEN and OIL SLICK >:).

Read if you dare.

I finally started jogging today. God damn I am so out of shape lol and the running shoes I had that I THOUGHT would be comfortable, ended up raping my feet. Ran one lap and walked three. Hopefully I'll be able to run longer and walk less but it'll be a continuous process every other day. I timed myself for about an hour which is pretty standard in my opinion. Who knows? Maybe I'll push the time limit further when I get more comfortable with jogging longer distances. 

As I was walking home from my session with my feet cringing in pain, a car signaled to stop across the street from me to a nearby curb, a couple. At first, I thought they had a problem with their car or some similar emergency and whatnot. A second, cursory gander and I assumed one of them would eventually step into the house adjacent from where they were parked to make a quick visit. However, once I finished traversing the crosswalk to the said curb, it quickly became apparent that they had stopped for me! They were an old couple upon closer observation and one of them, the aged lady, had her hand outstretched with a small piece of paper in her hand. As I came closer, she smiled sweetly at me and gestured me to take what seemed now to not be a piece of paper, but a small pamphlet. I squinted and checked the title, "Who Are Jehovah's Witnesses?" Now I'm one to not get so riled up about religion (George Carlin, eat your heart out.) or perform such rituals, per se, such as praying, offering and DONATING but I was strangely interested. I flashed a quick smile, nodded and took the pamphlet. She seemed glad that I even bothered to stop because I would assume myself that a lot of people would not even so glance at them as they pass by. A small part of why I even decided to take up in their offer was because they stopped and waited for me. They had a small inkling of faith that I wouldn't be like the rest. Boy, weren't they lucky? LOL. 

They drove off shortly afterward and I continued back home, slowly walking and reading at the same time. It piqued my interest so much, I forgot for a brief moment, the ACHING pain in my feet from the horrible running shoes. Ironically enough, it supported several of my beliefs about religion, such as repression for the idea of social class where people are divided and the clergymen are at the peak of society. It expressed equality where no man was above the other and that God, or Jehovah in this case, would intend humanity to conduct themselves such as he would discipline himself. There is no hell as Jehovah would not condemn souls to such cruel punishment, stating death is harsh enough and resurrection is granted to those worthy and nothing to those unworthy. Not to get all preachy but a lot of it made sense! I was surprised. However, it stated some things that I was not fond of, such as Jehovah coming down with those he resurrected to cleanse the world anew. Wtf? I need to research more into this. I'm just making judgment from whatever information the pamphlet provided so don't flame me you religious nuts. JK! I bear no ill will against those who believe and they should not against me either.


At least I hope they do not.


Anyways, I finished reading the thing and got home to relax my poor, poor feet. My calves and thighs hurt pretty bad, but damn it my feet are not supposed to ache this much. I feel like an old man and it's still so early.


RAWR!

But you're not, you're gone, gone, gone...

This fucking sucks. I feel like a good part of me is gone. Why did you have to leave so suddenly? 

D:

All those times we've kicked it, I cherish them. We created memories that would last us a lifetime.

But now you're gone. Just like that.

Gone.

Fate dealt us a cruel hand and we were forced to play it.

My mistakes will be my own. If I'm broke, then fuck it that's my fault.

DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT IT.

It's not like the $100 that I had came from you. Now that I'm making money, you're still telling me how to spend it? Do you have any fucking idea how many times people have treated me out? You know how guilty that makes me feel? I'm not fucking wasting my money, I'm just doing what every considerate person would do, PAY PEOPLE BACK. God, I know you've been swindled by your brothers and what-the-fuck not but don't treat me like I'm going to end up just like you. 

Besides, how the fuck are you gonna be telling me that when you still do it yourself? 

I know how to conduct myself. Fuck, so let me.

Succulent.

I am everybody's chauffeur. Weeeee.

Eh, more driving experience for me. 

Had crawfish tonight at Minh's house from Boiling Crab. WHAT?!!! Don't be jealous :P. Too bad we didn't get more, 4 lbs makes me sadd :(. It's WAY better than SJ Crawfish, no doubt about it.

Plus the waitresses are pretty finee ;). That fuckin' place makes crazy ass dough. I would love to own one.

....

I feel like this is all my fault. If I had strictly kept my word, none of this would have blown out of proportion.

It doesn't matter how you look at it, it was all because of me. 

Now I am willing to repent for my mistakes.

If you're willing to let me.

~
My hand will always be there. I may be trying to move on but I'll always be here when you need me. You just need to make the effort to grasp it.

Maybe I'm a lion.

I suppose this is life. It's never easy. I will try my best to move on and still stay friends. I will always love you unconditionally. I give you my word and I swear on it. What we do from now on, is strictly on a friend to friend basis.

You're probably the only girl so far that I've gotten so close to. I'm not gonna let that friendship melt away so easily. Thank you Vivian for continuing to be such a good friend. :].

I rarely say this but, FML.

Breaking News! 

Man actually committed something illegal and got his car towed for it! 

He didn't acquire a guest pass and parked regardless inside Casa Del Lago! 

He had to have his family bail him out, $257 worth!

Now his mom is livid pissed and constantly making him feel like the dirt stuck to the dirt stuck to the bottom of her shoe!

Why am I ending every statement with an exclamation mark?!

Because nobody would ever expect this to happen to me. That's why D: .

 

Needles.. rawr!

Just had my blood and urine test for the life insurance. Hopefully it's good enough to lower the premium D: . Needles still freak me out but I'm controlling it a bit better. I also went down 5 lbs! Hooray.. ?


Anyways..

Sam bought and signed $100,000 for 20 years for me until I can pay for myself, then ownership will switch to me. He also got one for himself and so did Tommy. We're gonna work out my mom's contract over these next few days and decide what's the best coverage for her. Minh is also considering getting one as well. We can all sleep a little easier now.

Revamping what I said in the last blog, Sam is just being used by his girlfriend's family. He's under their spell. I take back all I've said about him. I was just blinded by my rage. I should have known under normal circumstances, Sam would not commit such an act. He's always been extremely considerate for us. Like our life insurance agent said, he's the key person (until I graduate of course :P). Sam has a good heart and means well, but he doesn't really know where to give it when it matters. I hope he has a clearer mind now and not to become too susceptible to his girlfriend's family's greedy machinations to drive our family into the ground.

Damn bitches. They even have the balls to say that it's wrong for Sam to buy insurance for his own family. Where's the fuckin' sense in that? Speak for yourselves assholes. You guys can barely manage on your own that you need your daughter to coax her boyfriend into buying life insurance for you. Switch the roles around. How can you rationalize yourselves now?

And all these times you've been acting "religious" and visiting temples. Religion is just a cover-up. It always has been and always will be. You guys are absolutely despicable and dark. 

Anberlin.

You'll always be my day late friend.

Whu wudda dought?

This is all so.. surreal. I never thought something like this would happen.

But hey, there's a time for everything right?

Right... 


Maybe I see myself in a lesser light than most people do, maybe that's why I'm surprised this is happening.


Oh wells. Life is full of choices. You don't make any, you're going to get left behind.


And I don't want to be.


Not in this particular area of life.
 

Clean beaches are good beaches.

Trip to Seaside Resort beachfront was funzors. I got sand in places that there shouldn't be sand in ~_~. Got tackled, dunked and utterly bitch-slapped by tides and friends alike. I didn't think Tammy would tackle like a dude because she totally caught me off guard LOL but it was all in good fun. The only one who didn't get slammed in the water was Oscar. God damn that bastard. Six people tugging and grabbing him and somehow he still gets loose. THANKS FOR MAKING US FEEL INADEQUATE.

Just got home and a bit tired. Gonna kick it a bit and then call it a night.

Wow. How deep this cuts.

And what's even worse, I was the one holding the knife. How stupid of me to let myself cut me so.

I would not try anything, regardless of how I felt. I already gave you my word. I don't fucking steal ladies from my homeboys. Yes, I would like a girlfriend but I'm not gonna abide to such low standards to get one. It just doesn't feel right. It never will. I may not have much or seem like much, but I do have my principles and morals to upkeep. 

Sigh, I don't get much attention from women. You can probably tell. Is it so wrong that I enjoy yours? In a friendly way?

Trust can only go so far, I guess.

~EDIT
I'm such a fag.

"Silly Pluto. Orbiting the Sun is for real planets."

Lawl, astronomy is awesome.

You know what else is awesome? In about 200-300 hundred thousand years, the Sun will grow into a red giant, expand and engulf the four inner terrestrial planets. Maybe Jupiter too if it's in the mood.

Now I kinda don't want to have kids anymore... D:

Went to GL today with Oscar, Anthony and Vivian. It was pretty dope, I never knew Tony played DDR. It was cool watching him flash his tight moves. Hurray for DDR!

Other than that, the place was pretty dead for a Saturday. I think with the advent of SSFIV, peeps are only gonna pop in on Wednesday where you pay $10 and get to play until they close. Tis the only way GL can make their green. Damn Capcom for not releasing an arcade port for the game. You did it for the first one, why not do it for the second one? Where's the logic in that? You don't care for the fanbase like you say you do. They are the ones who truly make the game. I presume a lot of people are as pissed as I am, except they actually play the game. I, for one, just act as a voice of reason. I suck terribly at it anyway, Sanwa sticks feel so awkward for me (And I'm already bad enough as it is with regular American sticks so BLEH). 

Anyways, Tony and Vivian split pretty early. Oscar and me took off as well not too long after and hit up Jack In The Crack for some eats. Watched "Fun With Dick And Jane" at my house then drove Osk(Oscar) home. 

I need to get started on that research paper for astro. Thank god it's a research paper, not a critical thinking report.  

Damaged.

Just need a couple more touches to finish the zombie deck. God the guy at the card shop was a total ass. Cuttin' back on deals with customers and he doesn't even work there. He threw my money back at me like it was worthless. If I didn't know any better, I would have socked him one straight in his smart mouth. Geez, all I wanted was some sleeves for a trade-in. Whatever, I'll just come back a few days from now.





Everyone has gotten Bieber fever now. I pray to the Sun that Eminem or Common doesn't do a duet with him. I'm not jealous of JB but he's just another Aaron Carter with a bubblegum pop voice. I honestly do not see what's so great about him. I consider Lil' Bow Wow or Lil' Romeo better. In fact, this guy serves as a better example:


Him > Justin Bieber

William Hung, eat your heart out. 

There's also a couple of Bieber parodies I found while trying to expedite my boredom. If ya friended me on FB, they should be on my page (A majority of you peeps reading this on a daily basis probably are :D). You may have or may not have seen it yet. If not, here it is:


Beaver Feaver - Key Of Awesome Parody


Justin Bieber "Baby" - Davedays Parody


~
I need a new phone. Iphone looks tempting.

People are too critical when it comes to physical appearance and prowess. That's why I admire those who have strong, inner qualities. Those who let the mind control the body, not the body controlling the mind. You know there's a difference.




And going along with that, is a quote from a friend of mine, "The more beautiful and pretty they are, the easier it is for them to trick you."




There is my daily wisdom for the day (or naivety, whichever).




~
Vivian and I are too similar! Rawrrr. I'm ALMOST convinced that we can even communicate telepathically.

A pleasant surprise.

So I wake up today finding Sam dozing off. Presumably after a wild night out and that he was going through his hangover. He stirs up and asks me to go grab something to eat. He then tells me playing Bad Company 2 on my shitty T.V. is well, shitty. 

You know what happens next.

We hit up a few places until we came to Costco. A 32" Sony Bravia 720p for $420. I so did not expect waking up today to go purchase an HDTV for my room. Now I will definitely frequent the 360 more. Late-night gaming has returned :D. Rejoice!

Also went to catch Iron Man 2 with Teak and his crew. Pretty epic movie, lots of Avengers references which I heard is due out this 2012. Action is a little lackluster but everything flowed together nicely and made sense. Scarlett Johansson as the Black Widow was sex. Mmmmmm...

Last but not least, ROUND THREEEEEEEE. 2-1. Sharks sealed the deal tonight. Red Wings got clipped pretty hard. Almost like the time Sharks swept them way back when. Patrick Marleau, you finally lived up to your Captain status. The top line came up BIG tonight. Now, let's see if Team Teal can break the curse of the Conference Finals. 

Tomorrow is Mother's Day if you haven't already guessed. Once again, go do something nice for your moms instead of facebooking/youtubing all day eh? Peace.

This was a very good day indeed :D.

Blah.

Blame It On The Alcohol is probably the stupidest song I've ever heard. Jamie Fox, how could you?


And I rather be a total weaksauce newblet when it comes to alcohol than giving myself an excuse not to think. You only drink the shit out of yourself because you can't take anything else.

Where will life take me now? I live day by day and nothing really seems to happen and when I try to make things happen, I only get shot down. 

But I've lived 21 years of my life, going on 22 and I'm not gonna give up or go with a "fuck everybody" attitude because I just don't do that anymore. I was naive. You need friends in this world. As many times as I've fallen, I've been able to get back up. I don't resort to drinking or random hook-ups. Turned down? Fuck, I turn my game back up. I only live once. Might as well use all the chances I get. 


And the opportunity to help is always abound. I'll always be a helping hand but I'll never be used. There's actually a distinction in knowing when you're being helpful and when you're being used as a tool. When you help someone, you don't need to talk yourself into it, it just comes out naturally. When you're being used, you're basically convincing yourself over and over that it's for the better.


There I go again trying to be all philosophical. This is probably why I don't appear so affable. :\.

Shot down. Again.

Eh, I'm used to it.

I just wished you could have told me yourself?

:D

You're gonna have a good day.

...

People are fucking stupid.

They don't learn from their mistakes, even after they have witnessed the same exact problem that has occurred to somebody else. That's the worst kind of hypocrisy there is.

Cheat yourself out of your life.

I'm done.


"You have to trust someone to be betrayed. I never did."

Random.

Life isn't measured by how much you can take.

Life is measured by how much you're able to stay away from.

Huh?

ASIANNNSSSS.

ARE.

HOT.

but not on the inside :P.

Jk but most aren't.

I don't know, I'm just being mindless right now ~_~. Another wedding later today. Dang, everyone's getting married in a jiffy. Who's next? YOU?! :O.

Best. Day. Period.

God damn, Sam knows how to throw a party for someone. Tons of food and all-around good fun. I even got a little buzzed and it was from a cooler. It was actually kinda embarrassing. Who gets drunk from that? Well, I do and everyone kept hassling me with "HEY! Your face is hella red! OMG!" Sigh. This is why I don't drink but I did it in light of my birthday. I don't know how my brothers and their companions do it, just chugging one bottle after another and shot after shot. It's like water to them. ~_~.

And Sam gave me the best birthday gift to date. He called me up the night before and asked if I had anything to do Saturday. I knew there was the party at his place so I didn't quite grasp why he would need to know if I had plans. He then tells me he has two Sharks tickets for me from his co-worker. Now I'm not one to rambunctiously celebrate when something awesome happens but in my head, I was. It completely psyched me up. So the next day I hit up one of the coolest places in the country, the HP Pavilion downtown with my homie Oscar to catch my first ever Sharks game in person. No watching behind the tv. This was real and a firsthand experience to a live sporting event that I've been DYING to attend. The atmosphere gave me a tingling sensation, like holy shiz, I'm actually "here", watching Team Teal skate at uber speeds and attack with their high-octane offense.

The game itself was pretty close, they lost to the visiting team Florida Panthers in overtime by a final score of 3-2. They came out and struck first with two goals in the first but the Panthers rallied in the consecutive periods with three unanswered goals, including the one in overtime. Eh, I wasn't too bummed about the loss, it would have utterly great if they took the game but it's ok. I'm just super glad I had the chance to experience my all-time favorite sports team in real life. The seats we had were pretty good, not too close or too far. I can definitely say it was a FUCKIN' good time. I can't wait till I have a steady job and whatnot. I'm gonna become a season ticket holder FOR SURE :D.

For the record, yesterday was one of the best days of my life, along with the greatest birthday celebration anyone has ever thrown me. Thanks Sam. You couldn't have done any better :D :D :D.

Twenty going on to twenty-one.

Lol. I feel old. A little old at least.

But I do feel a lot wiser compared to a few years ago where I was so excited to be 18. Now that I'm officially, fully legal, I don't know what to do with that freedom. If you know me well enough, you should already know I'm way beyond getting shit-faced and having toilet morning hangovers. Consumption of alcohol is tempting but I know I've lived long enough to realize that it's not a part of my needs for everyday survival. Neither is swishing or firing up a bong. What I do require is a lifetime supply of Thai-iced tea and Banh Xeo :D. Root-beer floats are a close second. Nothing better to assuage the stress from a long day at school or errands. That cold and creamy liquid orange bliss sends my taste buds into overdrive every single time, at least when the restaurant / drink shop makes it correctly (No bottled crap please). It's only authentic when you gotta mix it yourself. I just love swirling the two ingredients together like a tornado, ready to let it plow over my tongue and destroy my senses. Gosh. Thai-iced tea tornadoes. Heck, it would be awesome to create food / drink weather machines like that one movie, "Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs". Lol I digress. It seems to happen all the time whenever I converse about food or beverages.

ANYWAYS.. my brother may be throwing me a b-day party at his house near Tully and King. I expect the usual lot of BBQ and raw seafood compounded with generous amounts of beer, Henessey, and soda. Karaoke and gaming will also run rampant, in a good way of course. I don't know for sure if the party's a go but I'll keep you guys updated. If you receive invitations then you're set.

Happy Day!

Car battery went ka-poop a few days ago but I got it replaced yesterday. It was burning out anyway, way too old. It died on me at the most inconvenient of times when I was en-route to pick some friends up to chill at Valley Fair on Saturday. Oscar came to the rescue and helped me get my car home (Jump-started it of course) so it could be fixed. We went to VF in his car afterwards and finally met up with the cool kids. Walked around, I window-shopped mostly until the gang pressured me into BUYING something. It was at Forever 21 of all places ~_~. To please them, I got a plain black shirt which was about $6? I didn't even bother to try it on. I just bought it to get them out of my hair lol. I was glad it fit though when I put it on today for school :). Driving all the way up to VF alone to return it would suck balls. Journeyed a little more in VF until our stomachs grumbled. Went to 99 Chicken but there was no space so we bounced over to a Korean food court nearby. Korean BBQ for Oscar and I. Melissa had tempura, Vereak, I think he got sushi and Val had the same as me. It was alright lol, a cursory glance makes it seem tasty but it was pretty generic to me. My brother could do better. It was expensive too. Oscar and I split like peas with the crew and headed to GL for a little while. We ate again later at some pho restaurant that I've never been to. The name doesn't come to mind. Whatever. I felt a little bloated to eat again but it's ok. Food is food. Went home after that and ko'ed.

Sam gave me money as overdue lai si yesterday which was a blessing since I needed funds to get some black pants for a friend's formal b-day gathering. I was aiming for jeans but couldn't find the type I wanted. All they had were skinny and super skinny and god knows I can't fit those D: . Not wanting to venture any farther, I just grabbed a pair of black Dickies slim slacks that were at a decent price. Miraculously, I had just enough left over to purchase MW2, a game Bang has been hassling me to get. Played for several hours today. Damn. Camping is a must in that game.

~

These last two nights have been difficult to sleep :\. The first night I was stressed out about my car dying out again and its new registration sticker has yet to come. Second night, I had no worries but odd stomach pains terrorized me. Don't know what this night will bring. Hopefully sound sleep.

...

" Geez man, how come you're always so calm?"

" How come you're not stressed out when you should be? "

" How can you always be so carefree and relaxed when things get tense? "

I wish people would stop assuming that just from the look on my face. Sure facial expressions are one thing but I wonder if anyone has ever delved any deeper into my true emotions and thoughts. This facade I'm playing and this visage I'm portraying, is it that hard to see through? This automatically sets the notion that I rarely have problems and that I need little to no help in cleaning them up. As if. I probably, no, definitely, have more trouble solving my own setbacks than you do with yours.

I know I've had help in the past and I've betrayed those people. To this day I still regret it and it comes to mind every so often. Every time I look back at it, I just lose focus on everything in the present. I've learned now. I honestly have. Some of you may not believe and if it is so then I don't blame you. Your choice and I respect your decision. I have nothing left to prove to you anyway.

And I know some more of you conversed this to your friends. Who doesn't talk smack about someone else? Purity only exists in nothingness.

If I must continue this for the rest of my life then let it be. There's so much wrong I've done to myself to last me a lifetime. I fear I will never ascertain myself, by myself.

Cooold.

Visiting the cousins in San Ramon tomorrow. Going to be a rainy day too, I'm kinda glad I'm not driving. The rain-slick roads and bitter, pounding drops of dirty, unfiltered water on the windshield combine to produce quite an ugly sight. I don't mind driving in such weather but if someone else has already been assigned the role, I'll take the passenger seat with little to no hesitation. I'm just afraid my inability to properly gauge distances and speed will wreck me even more-so in the rain.

L&L BBQ isn't too bad. Got lunch there with Val after meeting up with her at Indy for her sister's K-club dance practice (I swear, there's this one Asian freshman there who strongly resembles Nancy Jade's younger brother, Kevin. Personality wasn't too far off either. ~_~. ). I'mma try their BBQ beef next time. I got chicken katsu on my first visit. WAS going to get froyo at Yogurt Twist with her but the weather got really cold in a jiffy. I think I'm getting addicted to that stuff now. Darn you! The tart creaminess of the yogurt in cahoots with the endless, savory sweet toppings create such an awesome explosion of flavor in my mouth that it can only be supplemented with additional spoonfuls of the stuff. You can arbitrarily buy the rich treat and not feel guilty because it's healthy as well! My rather detailed description is less convincing on that part but believe me, it can CURE sickness. Full of good bacteria and enzymes to fight off those horrid and maleficent colds and coughs. Hey, you'll be fat but at least you'll be healthy :D. Kudos to Val for this info.


I should be sleeping early but fuck that. Old habits die hard.

Classics.

Spent most of my lai si money on clothing and shoes. Got a fresh pair of black 'n grey vans along with two shirts, one of which is MUSE. Totally awesome. Now I have a LP AND Muse shirt. Band shirts are the shit :D.

Also bought some socks since my brother keeps stealing mine D:< . Vans socks are pretty comfortable lol. This time I'mma safeguard them. He doesn't deserve them. He didn't even give me lai si. Not that I'm being greedy but it's tradition/customs. He's being hella stingy for some godforsaken reason. Gambling perhaps. Idiot.

Weight lifting has been beneficial :). I actually feel the results. So much improvement lol. Gotta start doing other lifting exercises though. Oscar's new residence has a clubhouse/gym. Beginning this weekend, I'm going to head there every Friday and/or Saturday with him and his brother. I wanna try benching and I need to run on the treadmill. Commitment = Excellence.

Party hardy pt.2?

New Year's party was cool. Good food and good music. LOTS of dancing lol. Sam's roommate Annie is quite the party girl. Her energy is boundless and endless. Wherever she went, she was bumpin' and groovin'. Phew. I don't think many people can keep up with her. She told me when I finally turn 21 (In a month or so.), she's gonna take me out to go clubbin'. Get me some night in my life. Totally fine with that, ain't nothing like a good time lol, especially for my 21st b-day. I had already planned to do that anyway but had no idea who to go with. Now I know. FYI, she is much, much older than me and is a single mom so don't get any funny ideas.

Tommy got super wasted and fell on his ass a couple times. Took an eternity just to get him to the car which was parked quite a ways. He even dropped onto the pavement and nearly fell asleep. Halfway home, he started throwing up. As usual, it went all over his jacket and my passenger seat. I'm glad it didn't stink like it normally does :\. We get home but he's still not sobered up so I let him sit there for a good half-hour. He blows a few more chunks and mumbles gibberish until he finally gets up and I help him to his room to lay him on his bed. Took his dirty jacket, scrubbed it clean, rinsed it and let it soak in water. Sigh. This is one of the reasons why I choose not to drink. Nonetheless, as much as he is an ass sometimes, he's still family and no one loves you more than family. I'm also pretty glad he didn't barf all over me D:

Now THAT would have been inexcusable.

LOL. Just kidding.

Happy Chinese New Year!!

Gung Hay Fat Choy! Sun Nian Fai Lok! Sen Jong Lik Kien!

Translated: Best regards and hope that you will have good luck, here's to a Happy New Year and may you always remain healthy and ill-free. :D.

Let the red envelopes roll in! I already got $70 so far and that's from my own family. I see a whole lot more coming my way soon. I think I've reached the age where I also have to start giving out. Lol. Time flies ~_~.

BBQ at brother's house later on today. Mm. I just love BBQ. Especially ones my brother hosts. That beef he cooks is sooooo tasty. Must. Learn. To. Finally. Live. Up. To. My. Name. D:

SAINTS.

Watched the Super Bowl today at friend's house. Hella food and shiz lol. I pigged out a little :D. Those shrimp cocktails were the booombb. Everyone was making bets but I opted out because I never bet and I needed to save my moneys :\. I could have made some bank if I did though. Saints TOOK that shit haha. I had a gut feeling that they would. The int. sealed the deal. The whole house was roaring after that int. TD return, well, except for the Colts fans heh. Two of the guys bet if their team won, the other guy has to wear a dress for the rest of the night. Man, they were clowning on his ass the whole time, snapping hella pics and throwing dollah bills. I almost felt sorry for the guy. Football is probably the only thing that can make a grown man weep in sorrow. Scaryy. My first Super Bowl party and it was pretty darn fun :). I'm glad I decided to go.


My financial aid check came in earlier than I expected. What I mean by that is, my mom kept the check when she went to get the mail and didn't bother letting me know until three days later. She kept telling me to take her to the bank and when I asked why, she said she needed to deposit some stuff. I asked why AGAIN and she still said, "some stuff". Lol I knew something was fishy but I didn't think Mom would ever pull something like that, especially since she's always saying she's genuine. There's always a first time for everything I guess. Anyways, cashed it and gave $440 to her and kept the rest for myself for books and w/e else. Got two pairs of jeans and a hoodie that I've been eying since forever. Was tempted to buy a Muse shirt but decided the hoodie was more important :D. Now the rest for books, car registration, phone bill and food. Hopefully I can make it last through the semester.

BLEH.

God damn it, I just hate it when I see a friend suffering the same way I've had and not being able to pick herself back up. I hate myself equally as much for not being able to stop her from doing what she has resorted to. I have EXPERIENCE, why can't I fucking use it?


I love to care for others. It's just how I am. There's not one day where I don't worry about someone else. (NO, Zemmi does not count. Not anymore.) I can't change it no matter how much I want to. They say when you worry about others, you take their pain and compound it with your own. They also say pain is a measure of strength. In that case, I get stronger emotionally. Yeah. I grow a bit every time I help someone. I guess it's the only real way for me to learn anything in this world.

School in two days!

Golfland tonight was good. Still not used to the TK6 stick. Rawrrmeowbarkkk. There's a TK6 tourney at Sunnyvale GL later on today if anyone is interested. I can't make it because of G-ma's birthday party. I kinda wanna go but family priorities say otherwise. I probably wouldn't join if I was able to attend (Waste of money. I suck big time anyway.), I'd just want to see some professional play. Oscar said there's gonna a couple of Korean pros there? Yeah. Apparently SC isn't the only game they dominate. They top the Japs in this game. Finally, the Japs lose at SOMETHING. Those guys are too good, they're like born to play that shit. It's programmed into their heads. I used to think the Japanese rule all 2-d/3-d fighter genres but I guess not. You can't win 'em all I suppose. Some notable Korean pros are: Knee (Bryan), Nin (Steve), Qudans (Devil Jin or DJ), Maddogjin (Hwoarang) and Tetsuo (Lei Wulong). About half of them retired (But still pretty damn lethal) and the others just recently got into TK6. Check them out if you ever get the chance or slightly interested.


Financial aid check should be here by the end of the week. A little below $1000. Still better than nothing lol. Gonna give $300 to moms and keep the rest for books and whatever else that needs buying. I'm thinking about replacing my struts or at least, finally get some rims. Then again, I do need more clothes, hoodies to be exact. Maybe some jeans too if I can afford it. Yeaps, time for some heavy-duty shopping. Wanna join me? Hit it ups if you are interested. Hah, my phone gets no calls or text the next day. I can totally see it coming D: . I don't know why I even bother asking. There's always that small inkling of hope. Sigh. I fails at life.


My work out sessions are generating good results :). I'm increasing my reps per set and probably by next week, I'll bump up an extra set, making it four total for each arm.

Fail.

G-ma's birthday this Sat. How fun. :\.


~
Sigh. You *are* treating me differently. I can definitely tell. Why does it always have to be this way for every girl?

...

You know what, I'm tired of trying. I'm sick of all this crap.

I always thought being nice, kind and generous would help me, at least a little if not by much. Dad always told me to treat others fairly and with respect. To not hold grudges and plot revenge. To give everyone a chance to be human.

Well, I got news for you Dad, if you can hear me up there. Nobody fucking gives a rat's ass if you care or not. People are always giving you shit and always being judgmental. Nobody is sorry enough to even take as much as a glance at you. It's so fucking ironic that people are so damn superficial in what they want yet they complain there is not enough decency or kindness in this world.

I've always FUCKING believed being a caring and understanding person would get me somewhere. Well it hasn't and I honestly fucking think it never will.

"If today was your last day.."

Then I'd be damn glad if it was.

I want my babybackbabybackbabyback.

Work that muscle! Yeah, been lifting weights, like 20 lb dumbbells? I'm taking nice and slow though, don't wanna push it too much. AUGH MY HAMSTRING/TENDON!!!11. Yeah, don't want to be screaming that in the middle of the night -_-.

Did some cardio/stretching with the guys Saturday then headed to Chili's for their 2 for 20 deal. Their portions are fucking hella huge and I found a new love. Blackberry iced tea! Man, I have a weakness for flavored teas LOL. I really like it there but the wait is killer. I guess it's worth it :D. Hit the usual spot afterwards (Golfland). Getting a little better at Tekken but not by much. The stick is still pretty weird-feelin'. Oh wells, it's all just muscle memory. I'll get it sooner or later.

School starts in a week! I'm actually excited? Neeerrrddddd.

Fuck Twilight :D.

So Bang comes up with this new story and asks me if I wanna read. Not having much else to do, I said sure.

Roughly 15-20 minutes later, I finished with a feeling in the pit of my stomach that there is something greater within the story. There always is.

And I end up being right. He says I have to figure it out on my own.

Knowing his love for the supernatural, I can't be far off with my predictions. I just researched some stuff right now, in an attempt to attain a greater understanding of whatever the hell is going on within that story of his and I think I got it. Everything seems to add up.

Him and his cryptic shit. What else gets you better than demons and ancient biblical lore? At least it gives me something to think about in the upcoming days before school starts.

~
Just another failure.

Finally applying what I learned into practical use.

1. Not giving a fuck to things I normally would.

Yep. All lessons can be compressed into one thing. How free I will finally be.

Chilling.

Wedding was cool. The food was kinda okay, I've had better. My brothers didn't get as drunk as I thought they would haha. Lucky me, I guess. Almost got hit by a crazy driver while busting a U. Damn but I was too fast for him lol. (Ahaha jk. We were inches from almost being hit. D:) Driving Sam's Altezza was pretty awesome. Wasn't too used to it though.


Home now and just chilling. Gonna pay the phone bill tomorrow and head up to school to sign some stuff. Don't know what else later on.

~
God it has been awhile since I had formal dress. Feels a little stiff.

SuitesuiteSUITE!

Golfland two nights in a row. Fantastic fun :D. Getting used to the sticks for TK6. Lee Chaolan ftw! I'm also considering buying a TK6 gamer card. What should the name be? Suiteness? I think so.

Anyways, Jackie's wedding is just about 15-17 hours from now! Gonna shows up hella clean. Striped brown dress shirt with a black tie and suit jacket. I also learned how to tie my first tie! I feel so proud LOLOL. So many ways to tie them too ~_~. Half-Windsor, Full-Windsor, etc. Sounds like wrestling moves.

I got some pics up on FB if you don't mind checking them out and leaving me some feedback so I could use it for future reference. Thanks in advance :).

Fuck you. I don't care.

Your mom.

Partay in 4 dayss!

Jackie's wedding is this Sunday! Woo. In case you're wondering who that is, you don't need to know because you weren't INVITED LOLOL jk.

Hmm.. hopefully I can still fit my suit? If not then I'll just go with a dress shirt and slacks. Simple and efficient.

It is noted that I'm already the designated driver for my brothers. I kinda already saw that coming but I didn't want to admit it because, well, who wants to drive an angry drunk and a loony drunk home? Let alone in the same CAR?! Geez.. the things I do for this family.

Wooooo.

Car's fixed. Woo. I missed her :( although driving my brother's Accord wasn't bad. The suspension is definitely better. Sigh, when that financial aid comes in, I'm gonna replace my worn-out struts and maybe FINALLY buy some rims. GSR blades look sexy ;D. If I can get them painted white then that would be even nicer. Mm, I have a feeling I'm gonna spend most of my aid money on her, after I buy my books and school shit first of course. Oh wells.

~
I read this somewhere and I just lol'ed.

"Girls: Guys love us! Where would they be without us gals?
Guys: Still in the Garden Of Eden, you gullible bitch."

I've been sleeping alot these past few days and I'm still tired around 12am. Weird.


Watched The Shawshank Redemption again for the hell of it. Damn good movie. One of my all time favorites on a cold night like this :).


Sometimes I wonder, is my sense of perception is as good as I think it is? Or maybe it's because I like to entertain that thought.


~
If only.

ASDFGHJKL.

If you could tell me one thing that I've taken seriously, what is it and why?


Sigh. School just can't come any faster. Too much time alone gets me subjective and that is not good for my health. My mental health at least.


~
Help me, help you.

Footed.

My babe's gone and broken downnn. SADFACE asldsfgl;dghlfglk. The sensor for the cooling fan got busted and the fan itself is wearing out. Me can't drive-o car-o to have fun-o with friend-o. Sigh. Hopefully it'll get fixed before Saturday.

Sam's b-day was yesterday. Rofl. Marinated short-ribs with teriyaki sauce and a shot of Hennes- whaaa? Yep yep. Crazy nigga put Hennessey in the marinade. That shiz was good though :D. Hot-Pot today for Minh's b-day. Regular fare, nothing much. The salmon was pretty awesome.

Now just drinking my wataa and eating some fried spicy broad beans. :DDDD.

~
Jelly Belly Muffin.