I'm always at fault for everything. 

I go work out and exercise like you oh so want me to. Is it wrong I do it with friends? Is it wrong I want to hang with them afterwards? Is having friends, unhealthy and detrimental to my life? Yeah I understand you need help with stuff at home and I do my best to keep up. But when I want to just get away from the house, like take a walk, drive around or hit up a drink spot, WHATEVER, can you please me let me do so with as much as an acknowledgment of my yearning for some air?! 

I know I have fucking duties at home, who doesn't? Honestly. Yeah there may be some who give less than a shit about their families but I'M NOT ONE OF THEM. Ok? I was raised by you and Dad who have taught me how to care for myself and others. To forgive and forget. To not forsake your family at any given moment. To this day and forever till time ends, I have not and will not. 


Stop goddamn assuming I'm going to turn out to be intolerant, bad and immoral. Have you ever taken psychology? These things aren't just fucking words that bounce off the ear drum and don't reverberate. These words penetrate my fucking mind and soul and fucks with my inner conscience. Stop mind-fucking me alright? You can play this game all you want Mom, but eventually there will be an ending and that's gonna be me. I'm not the half-bawling, half-screaming 7lb of blood and bone anymore. I don't even know how many times I have to say this. I'M NOT A CHILD. You think you raised me well enough. Well take it from me. You have Mom. I fucking love you for all you've done and continue to do. For once, let me decide for myself. I know what I'm doing. I'm not retarded. You didn't raise me to act that way. You raised me to be damn sensible and logical. That's why I'm trying to do.


How am I ever going to if you're never gonna give me a chance? Every time I attempt to dive, you hook me back with your rod of guilt. I don't want to run away from home just to get what I want. Running away solves fucking nothing. I don't do drugs or drink myself down in an attempt to escape the harsh reality that is life. I face it. I'm not going to tread down the road of desperation like every other son/daughter. 


If you don't let me, then you have wasted your efforts.


~
Maybe this is fucking why most girls don't understand me. I'm not funny, I'm uninteresting and I don't appear to be social or fun to be around. I don't know how half of the world works. Then again, not many people listen. Why would they? I bring nothing of gain to them. Want is such a dangerous word.

Let's MoGo!

Went to the gym with the hombres yesterday. We also swam in the pool for like, 2 hours?! Tried to make a whirlpool and had a strong current going but everyone tired out lol. I was stuck at the 5 ft pool because I blew off first and the current kept owning me D: . The thing kinda reminded me of a giant toilet, except with people instead of... yeah.. you get my point.

Hella sore right now though. I worked out on my shoulders, biceps, triceps, back and lower legs. 20 mins. on the treadmill, 20 min. total on the weight machines. I slept hella good last night, even when Sam was button-mashing to SSFIV. Today is gonna be a chill day.


~
Mogo's was at Indy's backlot today behind the pool! I felt lazy to go but I was like damn it, it's so close and I've been wanting to try the hype. Fuck that short-rib burrito is tasty. So many calories but damn worth it. Also snagged a classic Cola soda pop bottle to down it. I should have just had watahhhh :\. Oh wells. I vote bottles over anything any day. Anything nostalgic qui qui? 


Picking up Mel tomorrow then Wingstop after. Looking forward to meeting Leah Mae ;D.

The Duck Guy Who Makes Honking Noises In That One Show.

So I signed up for a Tumblr a few days ago. Here's the url:

http://quemanny.tumblr.com.

It's mainly used for small posts, video embeds and song uploads. I'm still using this as the main blog for rants, bitching, and super-cool happenings in life. Check it out for interestinggggg shiz k?
Following is appreciated :D.


Anyway, got my car's horn fixed the other day. Today, I totally forget that I have one and I tapped it with moderate force like I always do when I'm bored. HONKKKKKK. Guess what? A girl was passing by. Guess what else? I was driving inside my apartment complex. Gawrsh, I hope she doesn't recognize my face.. or my car. YAH, Integras are robot ninjas in disguise. So embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I need to kick that habit, BAD ~_~.


No moar firing my heat-seeking stingers anymore. At least I still have my... SMOKESCREEN and OIL SLICK >:).

Read if you dare.

I finally started jogging today. God damn I am so out of shape lol and the running shoes I had that I THOUGHT would be comfortable, ended up raping my feet. Ran one lap and walked three. Hopefully I'll be able to run longer and walk less but it'll be a continuous process every other day. I timed myself for about an hour which is pretty standard in my opinion. Who knows? Maybe I'll push the time limit further when I get more comfortable with jogging longer distances. 

As I was walking home from my session with my feet cringing in pain, a car signaled to stop across the street from me to a nearby curb, a couple. At first, I thought they had a problem with their car or some similar emergency and whatnot. A second, cursory gander and I assumed one of them would eventually step into the house adjacent from where they were parked to make a quick visit. However, once I finished traversing the crosswalk to the said curb, it quickly became apparent that they had stopped for me! They were an old couple upon closer observation and one of them, the aged lady, had her hand outstretched with a small piece of paper in her hand. As I came closer, she smiled sweetly at me and gestured me to take what seemed now to not be a piece of paper, but a small pamphlet. I squinted and checked the title, "Who Are Jehovah's Witnesses?" Now I'm one to not get so riled up about religion (George Carlin, eat your heart out.) or perform such rituals, per se, such as praying, offering and DONATING but I was strangely interested. I flashed a quick smile, nodded and took the pamphlet. She seemed glad that I even bothered to stop because I would assume myself that a lot of people would not even so glance at them as they pass by. A small part of why I even decided to take up in their offer was because they stopped and waited for me. They had a small inkling of faith that I wouldn't be like the rest. Boy, weren't they lucky? LOL. 

They drove off shortly afterward and I continued back home, slowly walking and reading at the same time. It piqued my interest so much, I forgot for a brief moment, the ACHING pain in my feet from the horrible running shoes. Ironically enough, it supported several of my beliefs about religion, such as repression for the idea of social class where people are divided and the clergymen are at the peak of society. It expressed equality where no man was above the other and that God, or Jehovah in this case, would intend humanity to conduct themselves such as he would discipline himself. There is no hell as Jehovah would not condemn souls to such cruel punishment, stating death is harsh enough and resurrection is granted to those worthy and nothing to those unworthy. Not to get all preachy but a lot of it made sense! I was surprised. However, it stated some things that I was not fond of, such as Jehovah coming down with those he resurrected to cleanse the world anew. Wtf? I need to research more into this. I'm just making judgment from whatever information the pamphlet provided so don't flame me you religious nuts. JK! I bear no ill will against those who believe and they should not against me either.


At least I hope they do not.


Anyways, I finished reading the thing and got home to relax my poor, poor feet. My calves and thighs hurt pretty bad, but damn it my feet are not supposed to ache this much. I feel like an old man and it's still so early.


RAWR!

But you're not, you're gone, gone, gone...

This fucking sucks. I feel like a good part of me is gone. Why did you have to leave so suddenly? 

D:

All those times we've kicked it, I cherish them. We created memories that would last us a lifetime.

But now you're gone. Just like that.

Gone.

Fate dealt us a cruel hand and we were forced to play it.

My mistakes will be my own. If I'm broke, then fuck it that's my fault.

DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT IT.

It's not like the $100 that I had came from you. Now that I'm making money, you're still telling me how to spend it? Do you have any fucking idea how many times people have treated me out? You know how guilty that makes me feel? I'm not fucking wasting my money, I'm just doing what every considerate person would do, PAY PEOPLE BACK. God, I know you've been swindled by your brothers and what-the-fuck not but don't treat me like I'm going to end up just like you. 

Besides, how the fuck are you gonna be telling me that when you still do it yourself? 

I know how to conduct myself. Fuck, so let me.

Succulent.

I am everybody's chauffeur. Weeeee.

Eh, more driving experience for me. 

Had crawfish tonight at Minh's house from Boiling Crab. WHAT?!!! Don't be jealous :P. Too bad we didn't get more, 4 lbs makes me sadd :(. It's WAY better than SJ Crawfish, no doubt about it.

Plus the waitresses are pretty finee ;). That fuckin' place makes crazy ass dough. I would love to own one.

....

I feel like this is all my fault. If I had strictly kept my word, none of this would have blown out of proportion.

It doesn't matter how you look at it, it was all because of me. 

Now I am willing to repent for my mistakes.

If you're willing to let me.

~
My hand will always be there. I may be trying to move on but I'll always be here when you need me. You just need to make the effort to grasp it.

Maybe I'm a lion.

I suppose this is life. It's never easy. I will try my best to move on and still stay friends. I will always love you unconditionally. I give you my word and I swear on it. What we do from now on, is strictly on a friend to friend basis.

You're probably the only girl so far that I've gotten so close to. I'm not gonna let that friendship melt away so easily. Thank you Vivian for continuing to be such a good friend. :].

I rarely say this but, FML.

Breaking News! 

Man actually committed something illegal and got his car towed for it! 

He didn't acquire a guest pass and parked regardless inside Casa Del Lago! 

He had to have his family bail him out, $257 worth!

Now his mom is livid pissed and constantly making him feel like the dirt stuck to the dirt stuck to the bottom of her shoe!

Why am I ending every statement with an exclamation mark?!

Because nobody would ever expect this to happen to me. That's why D: .

 

Needles.. rawr!

Just had my blood and urine test for the life insurance. Hopefully it's good enough to lower the premium D: . Needles still freak me out but I'm controlling it a bit better. I also went down 5 lbs! Hooray.. ?


Anyways..

Sam bought and signed $100,000 for 20 years for me until I can pay for myself, then ownership will switch to me. He also got one for himself and so did Tommy. We're gonna work out my mom's contract over these next few days and decide what's the best coverage for her. Minh is also considering getting one as well. We can all sleep a little easier now.

Revamping what I said in the last blog, Sam is just being used by his girlfriend's family. He's under their spell. I take back all I've said about him. I was just blinded by my rage. I should have known under normal circumstances, Sam would not commit such an act. He's always been extremely considerate for us. Like our life insurance agent said, he's the key person (until I graduate of course :P). Sam has a good heart and means well, but he doesn't really know where to give it when it matters. I hope he has a clearer mind now and not to become too susceptible to his girlfriend's family's greedy machinations to drive our family into the ground.

Damn bitches. They even have the balls to say that it's wrong for Sam to buy insurance for his own family. Where's the fuckin' sense in that? Speak for yourselves assholes. You guys can barely manage on your own that you need your daughter to coax her boyfriend into buying life insurance for you. Switch the roles around. How can you rationalize yourselves now?

And all these times you've been acting "religious" and visiting temples. Religion is just a cover-up. It always has been and always will be. You guys are absolutely despicable and dark. 

Anberlin.

You'll always be my day late friend.

Whu wudda dought?

This is all so.. surreal. I never thought something like this would happen.

But hey, there's a time for everything right?

Right... 


Maybe I see myself in a lesser light than most people do, maybe that's why I'm surprised this is happening.


Oh wells. Life is full of choices. You don't make any, you're going to get left behind.


And I don't want to be.


Not in this particular area of life.