Early Post~

I'm 20 years old and I'm not allowed to drive anywhere past 10 minutes on the freeway therefore, I can't drive to San Ramon by myself. What bs is that? If Dad was still alive, he'd let me. The way there is completely etched into my brain. I just needed a refresher course with the Tahoe/Reno trip. I don't need Minh to chaperone me. Mom always thinks I'm a little kid who constantly needs supervision EVERYWHERE. This actually benefits me. I'm learning the roads? I'm adapting to long drives over long distances? Clearly someone must understand that.

This is something new I'm trying out. Get this. To be self-sufficient. To not rely on others.

Now would you just let me do my thing?

Er..vegitating?

Hung out with my cousin today and walked around G-mall a little. Hit up Quickly's afterwards for some drinks and snacks. The popcorn chicken is good :D. A little expensive though, $4.50? :\. Anyway, we chilled at my house for a bit and fixed up some lag on my computer. Turns out it was the programs I had running, not the motherboard or RAM, that was causing most of the problems. I'm not too attentive to these things, not enough damn it lol. So yeah, it's a lot better now, I still prefer a laptop though. It owns my desktop. Hopefully Tommy can get the 17" HP DV9000 by the end of the week. Hopefully.

Turns out Jenny was never really mad at me? I don't know, I tend to worry about these things lol. I hate it when people are mad at me and I know it's my fault. That's why I always try to fix it as soon as possible because leaving it to fester is kinda bad. I don't wanna lose anymore friends.

Other than that, I'm planning to head up to Justin's on Friday. It's really been far too long lol.

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The water heater is fucking broken in my apt. complex. I don't know if they had to fix it (They could have given us a notice beforehand?) or whatever. I had to shower in fucking cold water today. NOT COOL MAN >:(. It better be back to normal tomorrow. I ain't getting sick because I had to take an ice bath. Geez.

For Jenny.

Blogging because Jenny wants me to.

Well, went to Tahoe/Reno yesterday with two of my brothers and their ladies. It was pretty cool. Got to see snow (OMG snow) and it was really cold (OMG freezing to death). Mostly listened to my PSP on the way there. I think my ears are still numb because I had it on full-blast D: . Anyways, we popped to Reno afterwards and had dinner there at the Flavors buffet. It was damn good. I got all the meat that I could. So satisfying :). Went home shortly after that. We only stayed half the day LOL as opposed to the weekend like I had thought. Oh wells. At least it got me out of the house. It's so boring around here.

Oh yeah and I met Jenny a few days ago through Justin, my cousin. She's pretty cool. Cute definitely :). Hopefully we can meet someday and hang out. She's very likeable. I'm also heading up to his house in a couple of days because he's been bugging me to and I finally know the way there. It took the trip to Tahoe/Reno for me to realize how easy it is to get to San Ramon (cuz Tahoe/Reno requires you to take 680 N. We passed by San Ramon on the way there xD.) LOL. I'm such a bad relative.

~
P.S. I'm so sorry Jenny! I didn't mean to call you an emo D: . It was just a joke. I'll bake you a cake with strawberry filling (Hopefully you like strawberry.) But yeah, I'm sorry still.

Sigh. Sometimes, people just change. I should just learn to cope with it. No sense in complaining anymore. If this was meant to happen, then let it be. Life goes on. I've got 40+ years left. Let's see how I'll call my shots from here. Whatever comes and goes, I'll let it so.

Much thanks for Van (Cousin) for coming out for me. I had so much to say and you listened. Thanks man. I know what to do now. If you ever need anything, I got you. Best friends for life, even if you are family. You and Minh. To the end. Till the end of time.

This month sucks. It just sucks.

Just today, I found out my 360's disk drive doesn't read discs anymore. Wtf. What a day, month and year it picks to malfunction, right when I wanna finally beat The Last Remnant. Fuck!!

My warranty's gone on the thing and I don't wanna shell out money to fix it because Microsoft don't do shit. Not only that, I wouldn't be able to even pay for it.

Life is not the best right now. It just isn't.

And is anybody there to make it better? Nope. The only thing anyone ever does is shit on me and blame me for being irresponsible. Well, if it is always my fault then fuck it. I don''t need to tell anyone anymore. Nobody makes anything better and worse yet, they don't fucking ever admit to their own faults and weaknesses. Yet, they seek out excuses to fuck up and cover things up as if EVERYONE else does it and it's totally legitimate. Me? No. When I mess up, everything goes to hell and people act like I've gone to a new low. I know I've done dumb things. If you're not gonna like me, then tell me already. Don't act it up.

Don't act like "Oh Man, we know you're a dumbass but we're still here because we want to see you fuck up some more and shit on you again." I mean, if I've messed up so much then just go! Why are you here? Why still worry about the things I do? Why haven't I left?

It's because I'm being stupid again for staying. Who's stupider now? Me? Or the others?

I'm going to ASSUME it's me. Outside of relationships and shit to do with girls, I've always been faithful.

I care for you all too much. Believe me once, when I say this, it's me, not you guys. All that ranting earlier, it's nothing. It's because of me that you guys don't love me as much as you did before. I know I've gone through many changes since middle and high school but who doesn't? I know I don't listen. I know I don't make rational decisions.

All this time, I've always thought I'm getting worse. My mentality is slowly degrading. Each year I realize how much of myself I've lost. I'm not nearly as smart as I was last year or two years before. I forget about things I usually never do. What's my problem? Everybody seems smart compared to me. I can't comprehend things as much as others.

Maybe I've lost hope. Maybe now I understand why people do things which in most other people's eyes are ridiculous and callous. Am I slowly turning into the person I've always fought against and refrained from?

I don't know anymore. I really don't. I'm just going to ride this life out to the point when it ends. I seriously doubt anyone is going to remember. Like I've ever done anything special.

I don't know what more is asked of me than just basic instinct. Maybe I'm just primitive.

So far, the only thing I've done right in this life is telling my mom that I love her every night. I don't mind doing just that. I can care less about everything else. Seriously.




~
"Fuck these yuppies. Fuck these boomers.. Fuck everybody now that I think of it." - George Carlin.

HDTV.

Came home today to find out mom bought herself an 32" 720p Sony Bravia HDTV. ~_~. I always knew she had money. Lots of it too. How ballin'.

And yeah, you can probably already guess that she gave me her old Mitsubishi one that's been with us for as long as I can remember. Sigh. Hand-me-downs make you feel under-appreciated. Everyone in the damn family has one. Tommy said he'll give me his once he gets a better one. That was last year. At least this TV is bigger than the previous Toshiba. Size doesn't matter much. I want clearer quality! Fuckkk.

On other things, drove up to Reebok to tell them that I quit. They actually got disappointed, saying that I actually did my work. Oh wells. Maybe with more hours, I would've stayed longer. I also found out two other former co-workers quit before I did and two more are planning to. One didn't even show up for work, canceling at the last minute. LOL. And I felt guilty for leaving so soon. Maybe when the hours get straightened out, they can hit me up again in the future. Maybe. Oh wells. Going up later today at 9 to open for my last day. Kinda pisses me off. On the last day I'mma be working, I open for a change. What bullshit no?

Chilled at Oscar's house afterward, ate there and left around 11-ish. The food is exquisite as always. Shrimp in coconut cream sauce with spices served with rice and lemon beverage. Muy bueno! (Okay, sorry excuse for spanish D:). Anyways, worked out a little as well. I'm weaker than expected. Saddd. Not even 20 reps with a 20 pound dumbbell. I have the strength of a ghost.

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Still need to sign up for class and FAFSA! Omgg. I'm such a failure at life. I really need to get my shit straight. (If I got a dollar for every time I said that to myself.)

My eyess are tearing.

Got my Halooo groove back :D.

~ George Carlin is just awesome.

"You ever go up the stairs and think there's an extra flight? Woah whoops! And when people see you do it, you act like you do it all the time? HEY I DO THIS ALL THE TIME! It's the third stage of ciphilis!"

xD. Dane Cook sucks. Russell Peters is funny. George Carlin is HILARIOUS.

Failing.

Sometimes I wonder, what will I amount to? What am I going to be useful for? Apparently, just being the nice guy isn't good enough in this world. I've always been a simple person, not caring much for most things in life. I take it in stride and watch myself grow a bit more everyday. Unfortunately, the day does not grow for me. Nothing happens. Nothing changes. Does the day make me or do I make the day? Everybody tells me all my cons, as if I didn't already know them myself. Yes, I know I'm emotionally fragile with a cursory way of thinking. I don't think before I act. I do what feels right for me. I'm naive and reinstate the obvious. I have problems because I complain too much. I'm stupid because I do the things most people never do. I'm weird and out of place because everybody shuts me out. I'm not interesting because I talk about ideas rather than people. I'm not social because nobody listens to the things I say. I'm not a good friend because I make too many mistakes.


But I am stupid because I admit to having weaknesses. I am naive because I forgive rather than trying to forget with the intention of failing. I am weird because I can't be placed in a stereotype. I am uninteresting because I think too much. I am unsociable because I want to think before I say. I am not a good friend because I don't judge you for the things you do in your personal life.


Call me an emo for tonight I am one. Such a hypocritical world isn't it?

Updatess.

Wow, I went dead for quite a while didn't I? Oh wells. Not much to say anyways. Reebok is taking it up the shitter with my hours. I can't even remember the last time I worked ~_~. I'm strongly thinking of quitting and going elsewhere. Somewhere where I can put myself to good use. Sigh, for a first job, it's not much of a job at all. Still, I'm really thankful for Bang for referring me in. Sucks it didn't work out as I hoped. I can barely manage to pay off my phone bill, let alone keep myself fed. Moms doesn't even cook much anymore. Rice is a thing of the past. Sometimes we have curry (Yum) and other times we dine on bun rieu (Double yum). If not, it's packaged noodles or whatever scraps I can dig up and throw together and call it a meal. I guess I shouldn't complain because Moms is getting old and she's not how she used to be, cooking every other night. I wonder if she'll teach me how to cook if I asked her. Her cooking is seriously fucking good! I have aunts and uncles coming from Texas dying to eat her crazy super awesome delicious food :D. On top of that, she's got a personality you can't hate! (Aside from the usual nagging which is common for mothers.) Wo hien ai wo de mama!

On another note, Christmas came early for me this year! Lan Je (My brother Minh's gf) bought me a set of Drakkor Noir cologne. Lolol it sure beats Axe by a long shot. She's so thoughtful. Many thanks! I hope more come :). Mann, I wanna start buying gifts for people. BETTER JOB. IF ONLY. IF ONLY.

Time to go job-hunting.

~
Gonna start a review of sorts, like a potpourri, reviewing anything that comes to mind. Movies for the first review

2012: Not a bad movie. Mostly CG and barely any story. The movie doesn't take long for everything to kick in. One big explosion after another. If you wanna see special effects done right, watch this movie. It barely draws references from any sources (Ex: Mayan calendar) and are only there because they need to be in order to have the movie make sense. Otherwise it'd be a mindless 160-something minutes of the world going to hell, which is still good but people nowadays look for at least a little substance.

Ninja Assassin: Standard action flick. Went to see it only because a friend was dying to see Jung Ji-Hoon aka Bi (Rain) with a ripped body displaying uber ninja skills. He's not bad portraying an action hero. It is noted that he's the only overseas actor from Korea to co-star in an American film and have a leading role following (As far as I know). Of course, fanboys and fangirls rage that he has sold himself out like Se7en and his debut American music video "Girls" featuring Lil' Kim. Frankly, I think it's just their way of expanding their fanbase. More fans never hurt anyone. Anyways, the movie has that Ninja Gaiden style (Takes some special effects from the more recent games.) with a moderately cliche plot. The choreographed fight scenes are done really well and flow beautifully. Love blood and gore but without the scary spooks? Hit it up.


~~ ahaha, I ended up saying so much.