Let's Trade Watches So We Can Share The Times Between Us.

This month sucks. It just sucks.

Just today, I found out my 360's disk drive doesn't read discs anymore. Wtf. What a day, month and year it picks to malfunction, right when I wanna finally beat The Last Remnant. Fuck!!

My warranty's gone on the thing and I don't wanna shell out money to fix it because Microsoft don't do shit. Not only that, I wouldn't be able to even pay for it.

Life is not the best right now. It just isn't.

And is anybody there to make it better? Nope. The only thing anyone ever does is shit on me and blame me for being irresponsible. Well, if it is always my fault then fuck it. I don''t need to tell anyone anymore. Nobody makes anything better and worse yet, they don't fucking ever admit to their own faults and weaknesses. Yet, they seek out excuses to fuck up and cover things up as if EVERYONE else does it and it's totally legitimate. Me? No. When I mess up, everything goes to hell and people act like I've gone to a new low. I know I've done dumb things. If you're not gonna like me, then tell me already. Don't act it up.

Don't act like "Oh Man, we know you're a dumbass but we're still here because we want to see you fuck up some more and shit on you again." I mean, if I've messed up so much then just go! Why are you here? Why still worry about the things I do? Why haven't I left?

It's because I'm being stupid again for staying. Who's stupider now? Me? Or the others?

I'm going to ASSUME it's me. Outside of relationships and shit to do with girls, I've always been faithful.

I care for you all too much. Believe me once, when I say this, it's me, not you guys. All that ranting earlier, it's nothing. It's because of me that you guys don't love me as much as you did before. I know I've gone through many changes since middle and high school but who doesn't? I know I don't listen. I know I don't make rational decisions.

All this time, I've always thought I'm getting worse. My mentality is slowly degrading. Each year I realize how much of myself I've lost. I'm not nearly as smart as I was last year or two years before. I forget about things I usually never do. What's my problem? Everybody seems smart compared to me. I can't comprehend things as much as others.

Maybe I've lost hope. Maybe now I understand why people do things which in most other people's eyes are ridiculous and callous. Am I slowly turning into the person I've always fought against and refrained from?

I don't know anymore. I really don't. I'm just going to ride this life out to the point when it ends. I seriously doubt anyone is going to remember. Like I've ever done anything special.

I don't know what more is asked of me than just basic instinct. Maybe I'm just primitive.