Hometown was good today. I stuffed myself silly.




You know how it goes, you're Insawesome?

Well, I'm Extredisappointed. You know what that means?

Extremely disappointed.

Why do you gotta lie? Is he that much better than me?

Boo.

Let's try not to be emo this time because honestly, I feel good. Tired, but good.

This weather is really nice. Not only do I love sleeping on rainy days but it's also a free carwash. It's cheap and hardly any labor. The car doesn't get that clean but w/e, it's good enough. I'll just have to wait until I can't take it no more and finally drive out to an actual carwash at Shell or Chevron. I still haven't found out why it gets so dirty when everyone else's is so fresh and so clean. Huh, rich niggas. Living in their fancy suburbs and whatnot. Then again, I may just be yearning to be living in one of those again. I miss it. :[.

Healthwise...my rampant headaches have stopped. Now it's my hips and back that are starting to hurt, mainly the lower left area. What's next?



Well, tomorrow's Halloween. I'm gonna be heading out to eat with some foos at Hometown then chilling at Golfland for the night instead of staying home and greeting little freakazoids and ballerinas. My mom can take care of them.

If there really is a God.

Kill me now. Please.

The only thing I've ever poured myself into, ever really tried to make work, has gone away from me. I'll admit I do alot of things half-assed but when it comes to this, no. You can't fcuk around with this. I would rather enjoy a life with the devil than live alone, at least he'd keep me company.

Why does everything have to happen so fast? Why does all of a sudden, it's off with you and there's another to take the seat? Why so sudden? Is there a conspiracy against me that something slapped me down and gave another what I've worked so hard for? Why does everyone get it easy? Why must I try and then fail and lose it all? Why can't I succeed for once?

Why? Why? Why?

Is there anyone out there who can tell me why? I honestly need an answer. Sitting here thinking about it doesn't cut it at all.


I loved you. I loved you more than anyone ever could. More than Kayla, more than Sal, more than anyone in the entire fcuking world. I'm sorry I'm human alright? I'm sorry I don't have similarities to you. I'm sorry all that I ever could be was second-rate. I'm sorry I didn't fight hard enough so that another guy wouldn't come and sweep you off your feet. I'm sorry I'm not good looking enough. I'm sorry it took you longer than a month to like me when usually it only takes you a few days to like someone. I'm sorry all that I've tried was worth nothing in the end. I'm sorry someone showed up and ended up taking you away from me so fast. I'm sorry I couldn't hang on to you.


You always wanted it easy. None too hard. You tell me, hard work pays off in the end. Easy come, easy go right? You have to work for it, be dedicated and stay with it till the end.

I tried, I honestly did.

Now my life is in shambles. I'm so easily provoked now. I'm getting into arguments with my mom more than ever. I promised my dad I would not make her angry, I would not raise my voice against her. Anything she'd ask, she would get it.

But now, I can't. I'm a shadow of my former self. I don't know who I've become.

And no, it is not your fault. It was never your fault. I was the one who started talking to you, I was the one who started everything between us. Don't blame yourself if you ever read this. I honestly saw myself with you in the future. In my dreams, you were there, always. Now, it's a nightmare. To see you walk into another's arms so hastily and easily. Even with these tears rolling down my face, don't feel sorry. I blame my weak constitution. I can't hold anything back. I was never able to. Just like how I was never able to hold you.




Who am I kidding? You aren't here anymore. You can't be here anymore. Your heart is with someone else now. It will never come back to me.



Good job Aaron, I give you props. You picked up a nice one. You've accomplished what took me so long in such a short time. There's nothing I can do but watch you two be happy together.












After all, when have I not sacrificed myself for the joy of others?

Wow.

Fcuk this headache. For three straight days starting at 6 PM? Totally bogus.

Bleh.

Can you laugh nonstop for 10 minutes? Diemmi can. Freak.





My head has been hurting so bad this week.

So like...

I woke up this morning and my ass was so sore. It felt like I got into a fight with gravity and lost. Very interesting.

School's becoming a grind. The 1-hour breaks in between classes really help. Puzzle Bobble keeps me awake because it's so engaging and leet.

Also been trying to get a damn job but nobody is hiring. Damn stock market crash. Weak. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes homie. Maybe some new crap for the car too would be nice. Let's say, some rims perhaps? That's the only thing missing from the exterior. Interior, as in engine-wise, I'm considering an IS 300 engine. I've been riding in my brother's IS these past few days and the power is really noticeable during acceleration. It was like music to my ears. Don't worry, that's the farthest I'll go JDM on you guys. Anyways, if my Integra was equipped with the IS 300 engine along with the smooth, slick rims, it would be fckin' ace.

Things to do:
- Get job.
- Save up.
- Buy essentials.
- Show Bang that fast is in every car but some cars just do it better.
- Do it again but with his girlfriend next to him.
- Purchase IS 300 engine for more salt on the wound.


A little bit of Speed Racer exists in everyone.