If there really is a God.

Kill me now. Please.

The only thing I've ever poured myself into, ever really tried to make work, has gone away from me. I'll admit I do alot of things half-assed but when it comes to this, no. You can't fcuk around with this. I would rather enjoy a life with the devil than live alone, at least he'd keep me company.

Why does everything have to happen so fast? Why does all of a sudden, it's off with you and there's another to take the seat? Why so sudden? Is there a conspiracy against me that something slapped me down and gave another what I've worked so hard for? Why does everyone get it easy? Why must I try and then fail and lose it all? Why can't I succeed for once?

Why? Why? Why?

Is there anyone out there who can tell me why? I honestly need an answer. Sitting here thinking about it doesn't cut it at all.


I loved you. I loved you more than anyone ever could. More than Kayla, more than Sal, more than anyone in the entire fcuking world. I'm sorry I'm human alright? I'm sorry I don't have similarities to you. I'm sorry all that I ever could be was second-rate. I'm sorry I didn't fight hard enough so that another guy wouldn't come and sweep you off your feet. I'm sorry I'm not good looking enough. I'm sorry it took you longer than a month to like me when usually it only takes you a few days to like someone. I'm sorry all that I've tried was worth nothing in the end. I'm sorry someone showed up and ended up taking you away from me so fast. I'm sorry I couldn't hang on to you.


You always wanted it easy. None too hard. You tell me, hard work pays off in the end. Easy come, easy go right? You have to work for it, be dedicated and stay with it till the end.

I tried, I honestly did.

Now my life is in shambles. I'm so easily provoked now. I'm getting into arguments with my mom more than ever. I promised my dad I would not make her angry, I would not raise my voice against her. Anything she'd ask, she would get it.

But now, I can't. I'm a shadow of my former self. I don't know who I've become.

And no, it is not your fault. It was never your fault. I was the one who started talking to you, I was the one who started everything between us. Don't blame yourself if you ever read this. I honestly saw myself with you in the future. In my dreams, you were there, always. Now, it's a nightmare. To see you walk into another's arms so hastily and easily. Even with these tears rolling down my face, don't feel sorry. I blame my weak constitution. I can't hold anything back. I was never able to. Just like how I was never able to hold you.




Who am I kidding? You aren't here anymore. You can't be here anymore. Your heart is with someone else now. It will never come back to me.



Good job Aaron, I give you props. You picked up a nice one. You've accomplished what took me so long in such a short time. There's nothing I can do but watch you two be happy together.












After all, when have I not sacrificed myself for the joy of others?