...

" Geez man, how come you're always so calm?"

" How come you're not stressed out when you should be? "

" How can you always be so carefree and relaxed when things get tense? "

I wish people would stop assuming that just from the look on my face. Sure facial expressions are one thing but I wonder if anyone has ever delved any deeper into my true emotions and thoughts. This facade I'm playing and this visage I'm portraying, is it that hard to see through? This automatically sets the notion that I rarely have problems and that I need little to no help in cleaning them up. As if. I probably, no, definitely, have more trouble solving my own setbacks than you do with yours.

I know I've had help in the past and I've betrayed those people. To this day I still regret it and it comes to mind every so often. Every time I look back at it, I just lose focus on everything in the present. I've learned now. I honestly have. Some of you may not believe and if it is so then I don't blame you. Your choice and I respect your decision. I have nothing left to prove to you anyway.

And I know some more of you conversed this to your friends. Who doesn't talk smack about someone else? Purity only exists in nothingness.

If I must continue this for the rest of my life then let it be. There's so much wrong I've done to myself to last me a lifetime. I fear I will never ascertain myself, by myself.