Ramblings.

You know, this loneliness is starting to piss me off a little. I used to be fine and dandy and not have a care in the world about being a loner. Ever since I had a girlfriend, things changed for the worst. We're still good friends but I find myself more attached than her. I seem to suffer from severe separation anxiety. Now you don't have to tell me twice. It's SO BAD.


You know, I've moved on. The past with her is just a memory of better/bitter days. Doesn't really get to me anymore, it's all just high school memories. Now it seems like I'm so attuned to her, I can't go about my day without talking to her. She sees me as her best friend, someone who is always going to be there for her, someone who isn't going to let her down, someone who would go out of his way to do something for her. She told me I'm a friend for life, as many others like Bang has bestowed upon me before. She tells me sometimes, I get way too clingy, even for a bestie. That doesn't sound too good right? We had a huge fight when she was with her most recent ex, total douchebag. Didn't talk for months.

During that period, I learned to get over her as a ex-gf. It felt good. I didn't have to worry about stupid shit like the past. Then when we came around to talking again, this was the time I started being clingy. Is there an explanation?

Ming: Why do you think Man is so attached towards Diemmi?
Dan: It's pretty simple. She was the only one who ever loved him or returned his feelings.

When Ming told me that conversation between him and Dan, I felt so stupid as to why I never thought of it earlier. This brief exchange of dialogue would forever stay etched in my brain. I guarantee it.

Yeah, I admit Diemmi was not that great of a girlfriend. Events that later unfolded gave her further demerit. But you know, at least she loved me for who I am before she went and changed. If you ask any of my closest homies, Bang being the best example, you would know how much I gripe about girls and their superficiality and such. Diemmi, being the only lady who up to this point, has dated me, is not a complete loss. Like I mentioned earlier, at least she LOVED me for me.

It took me a good 4-5 years to find a girlfriend. Believe me, some other people started way earlier, Diemmi included. I'll say this now, I rather find a lady and try to be with her for the rest of my life than going about a dozen relationships. Yeah people say you make mistakes and learn from them. I've made so many mistakes in life that I don't need another five-six relationships to teach me something about my naivety. Trust me, except the stupid obvious dumb shit criminals do and get into, I've been there. Talks with my brother, talks with my parents. I know a lot more now.

I try not to think about these things but it's hard. For someone like me at least. It's like, I need something to get it off my mind. Maybe I'm sticking around too much. But I've learned from that. If I ever have another lady, I would know what not to do.

Wait..what? I know I can be alone by myself for a good duration but now, it's getting TOO lonely.

But nobody really cares..? Like I said, they just be slapping me across the face. Sometimes people don't realize how much their words hurt.